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Tuesday, October 20, 2020

Today has started out different. For one, I took my sertraline yesterday and today, so I'm already feeling more in control of my emotions. We got the kids fed and ignored the mess afterward. Tyler and I had a heart to heart about discipline and decided that our kids just have to be spanked. I've tried all this year to teach my kids to be obedient through natural consequences and conversation, but it hasn't worked. It's only created chaos and disrespect. I feel so defeated and like a failure as a mother.  So, as of today, any time they ignore me after I ask them politely to do something, they get one spank. I hate it, but I stay calm so that I can show them it's merely a consequence of disobedience. I hope this works. Charlie has ODD, and his first appointment with a counselor is this Thursday. I really hope that the counselor can give Charlie and me some effective tools to use, because I'm at my wits end. The spanks worked for Alex very quickly. Charlie, on the
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Monday, October 19, 2020

 Today was rough. I forgot to take my Sertraline on Saturday and Sunday, so by today, my anxiety had started to build up. None of the boys were working very well on their school work, and it was creating a lot of stress.  Alex had ups and downs at the beginning of the day. He did really well during scripture study, but then with his school classes he was fully resistant. He kept distracting his brothers, and refused to do his work. So I moved Charlie away from him. Then I had to move Alex to the next room. He didn't like the chair he was sitting at, so he kept whining and moaning. So I moved him to the kitchen table. He still wouldn't work. He kept whining and complaining that he was cold. So.....I started seeing red. I wanted to hit him SOOOOO badly. So instead, I picked up our large wooden chair, and slammed it on the ground. It broke off half of one of the legs. Tyler and I had a talk, I cried a lot, and then kept working on cinnamon rolls. Once they were done baking, I cove
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